My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
