Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
