Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
