You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
