people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
