gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That accounts for only three of the penises
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
