Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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