Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
