We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
