Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
