I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
