i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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