The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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