Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
