addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
