She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
whose parrot is this?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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