The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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