Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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