so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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