I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
