it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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