She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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