So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME