dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
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I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.