Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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