You're completely useless in the revolution.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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