You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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