He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
