I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
