I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
