i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
