I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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