You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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