Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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