You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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