how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
