I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize