can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize