She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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