I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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