I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
