I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
