Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
