if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
