so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
