it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
