i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
