I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
