At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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