He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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