I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
