Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
