I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Who died my cat blue again?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
