god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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