I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
