It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How's work?
Spinning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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