North Korea, Best Korea!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
