OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
