this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
