Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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