some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
