you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
