I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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