Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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