Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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