At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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