this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
