Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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