I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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