i don't like sucking hair
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
