I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
