I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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