Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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